Crowds gather outside the Radio City Music Hall in New York. A young man carries a Roland TR-808 drum machine under his arm and proceeds to throw it atop of a fire billowing toxic smoke from a large pile of discarded shutter shades and vocoders.
A sign reads: ‘Kanye, How Could You?’ Just an evening previously, the greatest musician who ever lived shocked the world by humiliating a young girl, for no reason at all other than he thought the Beyoncé video where some girls dance for a while, was better. While this may seem on the surface, the inexplicable actions of a despicable tosser, it is far more complicated than that. You see, when Kanye learned how to be a master of everything, a certifiable genius and the greatest musician of ALL TIME, he forgot how to think rationally.
In the spirit of Martin Luther King, Malcolm X and Rosa Parks, Kanye protests vigorously against what he perceives as injustice. So when the ridiculously named teenage sensation Taylor Swift, a name that could just as easily be a men’s razor, won the award for ‘Best Female Video’, Kanye had to act!
Like a child chasing a balloon across a road with scant regard for the oncoming traffic, Kanye burst onto the stage to interrupt Taylor and make the ludicrous claim that Beyoncé’s video was on of the best of all time. Has this man no sense of perspective? No. No shame, no dignity, no brain either.
Amidst the fierce backlash towards Kanye essentially making a fool of himself, the world is a better place because of people like Jay-Z, who in times of crisis like this, can put things in perspective. Mr.Z, presumably angling for a job working for Scotland Yard, helpfully points out that Kanye ‘didn’t kill anyone’, this startling new development was followed by an assertion that Kanye is just ’super-passionate’. A passion for what? Stupidity?
Quoth Tupac: Life goes on. Surely the greatest man that ever lived can survive this episode? He’s taken to apologising maniacally, the way people do after they’ve fucked up beyond repair, just an exercise in damage control. Oh well, we’ll always have the internet to remind us of the seven days that shook the Kanye West ego.
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